I decided to take some time tonight and reflect on 2008. I think that the thing that I learned the most was to trust in God. It started with learning to do the lindy hop. For me it was extremely hard to relinquish control and trust my partner. I learned that I don't like to trust others completely but rather I like to maintain some degree of control over everything I do.
Last January I knew I was coming to Cambodia but I did not know what I would be doing once I got here or what life would be like. During that time God threw a number of curve balls at me. When I first starting thinking about coming here, the plan was to come work with Transitions Cambodia doing more office related work but I would still be working with girls who had been rescued from prostitution and sexual abuse. When that plan fell through I continued to prepare to come here even though I did not know for sure what I would be doing. But God confirmed to me that this is what I was supposed to do as He generously provided the money to come. (Thank you so much to those of you who have supported me so far!) I didn't ask for money but people just gave. It was amazing to see God's provision!
Once I got here plans changed again and plan b fell threw. Then I went through a period of challenging God asking why He brought me this far to do nothing but sit on my butt. I tried to throw myself into learning the language but I wanted to do something more. I wanted to help people. I wanted to build relationships with people. I wanted to show people the love of Jesus. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew 100% that I was supposed to, which was confirmed by the money, there were times when I would have taken the first flight back home.
Nonetheless, these experiences did prepare me to take whatever comes at me and just trust God through it. If I had know when I was at home that I would be teaching -- especially my peers -- I honestly don't know if I would have come. After going to Kazakhstan I learned that I was a terrible teacher and so I decided I wanted to stay as far away from it as I could. God has constantly reminded me that in my weakness He is glorified. He is stretching me in the areas that I am weak and when I try to fight him He whispers to me "Rebecca trust Me!" When I think that I am not making an impact and that it is pointless for me to be here He reminds me to trust Him. Maybe a hug and a friend is what one of the girls needs to know that Jesus loves them.
Learning to trust has been a beautiful lesson but I am not a graduate yet. I don't know if I will ever get to point where I can say that I completely trust God in every area of my life, but I would like to. Trusting God brought me here. I would not trade this experience for anything. I have met amazing people and have fallen in love with Cambodia. God has also blessed me so much. Thank you to all of you who have sent me cards, packages and little notes of encouragement. I think one of my fears in coming here was that I would be forgotten about, but you have all showed me amazing love and support. Thank you so much!
I would like to end with Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
1 comment:
That was a beautiful post, beca. Thanks so much for sharing. 2008 was a year of thanks for me... I learned how much I'm not grateful, and yet at the same time I realized just how much God has given me. Even though I don't think I've mastered being content in every circumstance, I've decided to call 2009 the year of Seeking God. Prioritizing my relationship with him (like I always should be) but really making the effort to find out who He is, and most importantly, what it means to be loved by him.
I'm praying for you, and reading your blog faithfully. Love you so much!
-Christine
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