Identity!

Who am I? How did I become the person that I am today? What has shaped me? This week our lectures were on identity and it was a really good reminder of who I am. It is so easy for us to look to others to shape who we are- to constantly seek the approval of others. Past hurts and feelings of rejections, unforgiveness, and bitterness take root in our lives and begin to shape who we are. 

A couple of months ago i was at the gym doing some stretches and I looked into the mirror and I did not like the person looking back at me. I saw all my flaws. My eyes were void of joy. I felt trapped and disappointed with life. I wondered how I got to this place. How did I lose my joy for life? How did I become this person that I didn't like looking back at me in the mirror? I remember crying to God to restore His joy in me and to help me be the person He wants me to be. 

This week really spoke to me. The core message was that our value has to be found in God. It's a simple Sunday school message but it was a good reminder. I don't need to find acceptance by constantly doing things and trying to achieve and impress. I don't have to prove myself to anyone because I am loved and accepted by God. I have listened to all the negative words spoken over me and have worked so hard to try to prove that they are wrong. I was told I was lazy, selfish, stupid etc... some were lies i told myself. I have been living my life trying to prove that these lies are wrong. I felt like a failure in relationships so I felt like I needed to prove that I was strong and could do it on my own. To show that I wasn't lazy I tried working hard and taking on more then I could handle because then everyone could see that I am not lazy. In the end I just felt like a failure because I could not live up to my own expectations for myself. I became a miserable person who would lash out at those I loved the most. 

It is freeing to know that my identity is received not achieved. "In all of this, i remember that success or failure changes nothing about who I am... I must remember that my sin means I couldn't prove myself worthy even if I wanted to, but that Jesus has done everything for me. There is nothing for me to prove to anyone if I am in Christ." (Author unknown)